Written By: Simon Ramin
Filed Under: Relationships
The simple answer is: it’s you.
If you find yourself repeatedly drawn to emotionally unstable individuals who complicate your life, the common denominator is you. It’s essential to start by reflecting on your own behaviors and choices.
Many quiet, reserved, and “nice” people tend to attract emotionally volatile and manipulative partners. But why does this cycle keep repeating?
This pattern often arises from discomfort with intimacy and a reluctance to express your emotions authentically. When you struggle to engage in healthy emotional connections, you unintentionally limit your dating prospects to those who share similar difficulties.
Here are a few reasons why this occurs:
1. Their Assertiveness Contrasts Your Hesitance
If you find it hard to express romantic interest, you naturally gravitate toward the most assertive individuals. When you’re shy, unsure of your wants, or hesitant to voice your needs, you become susceptible to those who may push their own agendas onto you. In a way, your insecurities can attract self-serving partners, leading to a cycle of unhealthy relationships.
- Your Repressed Feelings Attract Their Emotional Turmoil
When individuals struggle to express their emotions, they often resort to various coping mechanisms. They might numb their feelings entirely, leading to a sense of indifference toward others, or they may create justifications to avoid emotional engagement.
In some cases, this discomfort can lead to a tendency to objectify relationships and sexual encounters, convincing themselves that emotional connection isn’t necessary for dating.
When you hold back your emotions and avoid intimacy, the only individuals whose feelings are strong enough to penetrate that barrier are often emotionally unstable.
By keeping your emotions in check, you inadvertently attract those who are overly expressive. People who suppress their feelings frequently become drawn to highly emotional partners, as this dynamic allows them to experience their own emotions indirectly through the drama of their companion.
- Their Drama Addiction Makes You Feel Valued
What draws emotionally suppressed individuals to unstable partners is the constant drama. These “psychos” are perpetually in crisis, often portraying themselves as victims who need rescuing.
This dynamic can make you feel important and needed—emotions you might not have experienced deeply before, especially if your past relationships have been superficial.
However, the emotionally unstable partner will eventually disrupt any peace you manage to find. Their relentless crises stem from a shared fear of feeling insignificant, leading to a toxic cycle of victim and savior, fluctuating between highs of excitement and lows of despair.
Often, these tumultuous relationships end with the “crazy” partner leaving, a lesson many learn painfully.
As time goes on, you might find yourself sacrificing more of your identity to solve their emotional issues, eventually losing your ability to think or decide for yourself. This loss of self diminishes your attractiveness, as those lacking self-worth are often seen as unappealing.
To maintain the chaos, you may end up seeking another person to complicate your life further.
Drama addicts are often irresistibly attracted to love triangles, positioning themselves at the center of conflict between two other individuals. These dynamics generate a continuous supply of drama, which feeds their cravings. Simultaneously, this situation fuels the suppressed person’s urge to “rescue” or “win over” someone else.
While these “psychos” are accountable for their actions, if you keep inviting them into your life due to your emotional suppression, you share responsibility for the cycle.